I've been doing the 30 Day Vegan e-course for one week. I feel well and have only had a few cravings. Odd that none have been for meat. The changes I've noticed have been more inside than outside, though I know that my body is letting go of lots.
I'm realizing even more how much I'm an all or nothing person. This applies to things as simple as library books. I stay away from the library for weeks and then I'm compelled to go in and leave with more books in my arms than I could possibly read by the time they're due to be returned. I'm this way with work as well. I go into the studio and putter around doing this and that until suddenly I'm hit with the drive and I begin working on panels for hours and hours.
I have new patience and anyone who knows me will testify that never before has patience been a virtue I could lay claim to. I realized in the library the other day that I could wait. I could read the books I had and then come back for more. They'd all be waiting for me later. This applies to other things as well...cookies, shoes, natural creams and lotions...things I tend to avoid for awhile until suddenly...I'm all in.
When it comes to my work I've tried to accommodate my manic artist tendencies; accepting long periods of stillness and suddenly a paper scrap frenzy all around me. This week I saw more clearly how it doesn't work for me. It's not good for all of the art/writing and personal goals I have. This includes several projects I've not only begun, but finished and have not had a chance to share. I know (and have always known) that I have to create some structure in my working life, but then it seems life gets in the way of my time charts and lists, but more importantly, my motivation. I often feel fragile in this way. I can be working steadily and then an interruption, a phone call, a disagreement, the lyrics of a song come along and that's it...I've lost my focus and unlike many of my friends, I can't seem to get it back right away. It's hard for me and I mean really hard. In fact, my inability to move through shifts in mood gracefully is a big obstacle to my productivity. I know I need to look at this because when I worked for other people, this wasn't an issue. The show went on.
In the past (and if you've been reading this blog for years, you know this is true), I've stated my intentions and tried to seek balance, but always with a plan. I realized this week, that I don't have a plan and I'm OK with that. I can be patient until a new way develops naturally and that it's OK to make small changes.
For example, for the next four weeks I am up against a wall with a deadline, so there is no plan, I just have to do it. However, when this is over, I hope to develop some new routines and I realize that these routines do not have to involve rigid scheduling.
I feel same way about small things around the house. In the past, if the laundry piled up I'd feel that it wasn't even worth doing if it couldn't be done all at once and Mark is the same way. It's a trait we share and I can't speak for him, but I'd say isn't good. We have whole days dedicated to cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping, errands etc and this week I realized that I'm happier doing a little here and there. So maybe I'll let Mark do the big cleaning once a week and I'll be in charge of maintaining, I'm not sure.
I think this new-found patience with myself and how I operate and the changes I can make is a good thing.
I do know that I created some nice panels for wallets this week and these are two that I love especially so.